Evils That Destroy Personal Relationships

November 18, 2022

Shaykh Mokhtar begins by establishing the Qur’anic importance of interpersonal relationships and a sense of tribalism. We are ordered in the Qur’an to hold fast to the deen as a group, not as individuals. We must protect those relationships and not treat them lightly, because if they deteriorate, it creates feelings of stress and frustration that sap our resolve for good deeds. A key aspect is assent and dissent, and between them, assent over truth/falsehood and dissent over truth/falsehood. The way to strengthen relationships is to ensure that everyone agrees over matters of truth and everyone agrees to avoid falsehood.

There are two main antidotes to poor relations: patience and mukhalafatun-nafs (defying the ego). Without the patience to hear others’ grievances, the relationship is doomed. With the nafs, when someone disagrees with us, they are disagreeing with our ego. If we make it a habit to defy the nafs for the sake of Allah , it will be easier for us to handle disagreements. The more we love Allah , the less we will love dunya and the less invested in it we will be, and the more others will love us for our character. Shaykh Mokhtar recommends avoiding excessive talk and banter, and miserliness. If we can see people as instruments of Allah ’s will, we will be less offended with their actions and accept that there is a reason for them, and try to modulate our own behaviour accordingly. 

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